Huuh~ I realized that I never talk bout my anxiety of getting the SACE results or even the breakdown I’m facing after the results were out… Why??? Hmm, I always thought that it’s something that I somehow, had expected. So there’s no point of talking and writing bout it. But is keeping everything to yourself would be ok??? Pretend that it’s actually alrite and face everything with a strong smile would hide the sorrow???
I didn’t pass the TER for university placement… So does that make me a bad student? Does that show I didn’t give full effort to my studies? Does that reflect I’m not fit to be a doctor? Does that show I fail to fulfill my parent’s hope? I bet others who are in the same condition as me has all these questions swarming in their mind…
It’s hard to not let myself cry every time I talked to my mum, my lectures or my friends just to explain the situation rite now… But, honestly, those who are close to me knew how I felt and saw my tears streamed down my cheeks… Non-stop they would tell me to stop crying and pampered me, just to make sure the smile that glows on my face doesn’t fade away… So for them, I learned to hold back my tears and face everything with patience and bravery. I believe everyone has their own ups and downs so this is just another bump that made me fell on my journey to discover myself.
So here I am, writing in my blog, trying to cheer myself up while appreciating every single thing that I have. I was listening to one of Avril’s song, INNOCENCE, when this idea struck my mind… how grateful am I for having such life filled with all sorts of moments.
Once, I lost my first love, face distraught family and financial problem and of course typical stress in my studies... However, at the same time, I can always find joy with my friends, love from my family and happiness within my life. Such distinct emotion and sentiment could exist at the same time thus this made me realized that LIFE IS FAIR.
Ok, let me elaborate a bit bout my silly idea how I’m perfectly happy with my life now. On one side, I didn’t pass the entry requirement, not being able to be accepted to the universities in Australia and about to be separated with my boy friend. But on the other side, I’m currently in love with the guy that once wasn’t there for me, lovingly supported by my divorced parents and has a lot of friends who cares for me. So you see, it’s balanced. You can be very miserable at one point but showered with love at another. It took me a while to realize this. All these little things made my life perfect.
Yeah~ some might think that I’m living in my own world, saying that not being able to fly to Australia is okay… but again, I’m stressing that you need more than just your mind to see this crazy little idea or thoughts or whateva you may call. It needs courage, bravery, modesty and most of all perseverance. Try and read through the lyrics and see whether you could understand what I’m trying to say…
Waking up to see that everything is okay The first time in my life and now it’s so great Slowing down and looked around I’m so amazed Think about the little things that make life great I wouldn’t change a thing about it This is the best feeling
This innocence is brilliant I hope that it would stay This moment is perfect Please don’t go away I need you now And I hold on to it Don’t you let it pass you by…
I found a place so safe not a single tear The first time in my life and now it’s so clear Feel calm and belong, I’m so happy here So strong and I let myself be sincere I wouldn’t change a thing about it This is the best feeling…
This innocence is brilliant I hope that it would stay This moment is perfect Please don’t go away I need you now And I hold on to it Don’t you let it pass you by
…..Think your dreaming It’s the happiness inside that your feeling It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry….
This innocence is brilliant I hope that it would stay This moment is perfect Please don’t go away I need you now And I hold on to it Don’t you let it pass you by…
As I listen to the song over and over and over again, I slowly understand what it meant… At some point, you cannot blame life for being unfair… some may be luckier than us rite now, some maybe a little later but some may be in the future. What’s important is that cherished all the moments we are going thru rite now and make the best of it.
To my friends who are facing the same emotional roller coaster as me, keep yourself together and never give up as there will be a special moment for us. Even so not now… may be later or somewhere in the future. Try to reflect and ponder upon your life and see whether this little idea (where two distinct emotions or moments are happening at the same time) exists in your life. And if there is, then you know that, it is the perfect moment….
Thanked all those people who has been there for you, your parents, sibling, lovers, bf or gf, lectures and friends… whoever is there that has support you all this while. They might need a little more time to understand what we are going thru but we, who are facing it, understand better… so hold on tight and fight for ourselves. We are as good as everyone else… wishing every single of you gud luck and all the best…
p/s : I would like to take this chance to thank =
1. my beloved parents, who has been very supporting and understanding and importantly has believed in me not forgetting my two brothers… 2. my dearest azrul, for showering me with love, the one who has made me grew stronger, mature and be there when I cry and accept me for who I am… 3. my pet sister, kak shafina, who prepared me so that I’m ready to face all this challenges… 4. izulman, who always said that I’m more than what I am… 5. my best friend, syafiq, for being there when I’m down… 6. my girlfriends, you know better who you are, for giving me all the free hugs and comfort when I needed them… 7. my keluarga muhibah and classmates, for making my semesters in INTEC wonderful… 8. the SAMSA board, for being such a great team to work with… 9. my lectures, who never fail to guide me… 10. pn hazlillah, for being my idol and the one I always look up to, plus the advise and words of wisdom you gave to me… 11. jazli (for all your help and wonderful moments since we’re in primary school) ammar and darleen (my two best neighbours) and ariff (for ur non-stop jokes and innocent face)… 12. and for you who are reading my blog, I bet we once had moments together, may it be a simple and short one, but I’m glad to know you…
